The NFL lockout is better than the Government debt stalemate. Whiners though they are, at least the NFL is trying to decide how to divvy up and spend money that they will - at some point - actually do something to earn.
Off of my soapbox now. Well, it’s not really a soapbox. It’s more of a fresh produce crate, something that might have “Genco Olive Oil Co.” printed on the side. Speaking of Genco Olive Oil Co, am I alone in thinking that every government around the world resembles that fabled company more and more? Furthermore, does it seem to anyone else like Fredo and Fredo’s heretofore unknown illegitimate offspring are being put in charge? I’m musing here, folks. Musing and humming. I like to hum when I muse, humming seems to have excellent musing viscosity. So does ear hair fiddling, but I’m wandering off point. My point is, it may be time to send the worldwide collection of Fredos on a fishing trip in Nevada. Or we could simply ignore them, because A) The various Genco formulations throughout history have always done these type of things, B) People in power will continue to do these types of things for all eternity, it’s simply a fact of human nature, and C) Most of us are ready for some football. Although I must admit, as long as the lockout extends, the Cleveland Browns are tied for first place; so I’m torn on when I want it to end. Let’s settle this ... where’s Luka?
As always, see more of me including TV appearances, acting reel, comedy promo videos, schedule and more on my website at www.starspangledcomedy.com.
... this is my brother, joke Hagan ...
Attorneys for Casey Anthony released a statement saying she will appeal her convictions on four charges of lying to detectives. Psst .... Casey! ... Quit while you’re ahead!
American Airlines is giving away a free seven night trip to Columbia. As a special treat, the winner will be able to upgrade to First Class by swallowing twelve “special balloons.”
Jennifer Lopez and husband Marc Anthony are splitting after seven years of marriage. In gin-soaked hopes of catching J-Lo’s eye next, B-List actors and fat guys in middle management will begin doing situps tonight. You know, because they’re only a couple hundred situps away from landing J-Lo.
A man has built his own million dollar Bugatti supercar, using his own hands, alone in his house. Now that he has it, he won’t have to use his own hands, alone in his house, for anything else. If you get my drift.
Some are claiming that an error in North Dakota’s founding document means that technically, it is not a state. In a similar story, some are claiming that a series of errors over the past 103 years means that the Chicago Cubs are not really a professional baseball franchise.
A new study says that being the top ranking, alpha male baboon is a high stress job. Possibly, but they also seem to get the loudest screeching baboon chicks with the giant red butts. So, you know, everything evens out.
Scientists scouring the mountains of Borneo spotted a Rainbow Toad for the first time since 1924. It turns out the toad was in Vegas all this time, running hot at the blackjack table. No biggee.
Five women on the North Korean Womens World Cup team have failed a steroid test. The five averaged 6’7” and 350 pounds, and shaved twice a day. The largest of the women, named Chuck, had a life sized tattoo of Barry Bonds’ head on her back.
FOUR BAD MUSEUM EXHIBITS
Rashes Through Time
Stuff From The Gutter
Slightly Burned Things
Intolerably Hot Rooms