To those of you blaming one political party or the other for being the cause of current financial issues: You are the exact reason Washington DC continues to get away with all of this crap. You are the engine that drives the insanity. Wake up. (What? I have to be funny all of the time? Oh alright ... booga booga booga)
Actually, I’ve decided to only write one, long “column like” blog intro per week now. The remaining days will have a short intro unless I’m inspired or receive far more frequent nude/semi-nude photo submissions from you, my loyal readers. It’s an attempt to appear more professional, or at least as professional a humor blog containing numerous underwear references can appear. Take the intro from last Friday, for example. I had something important and lengthy to discuss with Montel Williams, so I did; however, it’s difficult to come up with something silly and completely without meaning or redeeming social value to write about every day, especially with Congress being on vacation. I’d hate to have loyal readers get a feeling of disappointment, like when you see a movie on HBO that’s rated R, but only for “Brief Nudity” instead of long stretches of nudity, which means you’ll have to really pay attention so you don’t briefly miss it. You know what I’m saying?
By the way, still nothing from Montel.
As always, see more of me including TV appearances, acting reel, comedy promo videos, schedule and more on my website at www.starspangledcomedy.com.
... say hello to my little jokes ...
A deaf man has accused a nudist park in upstate New York of violating federal law by refusing to provide him with a sign-language interpreter. Let me understand this - he gets to see naked women AND doesn’t have to listen to them talk ... and he’s MAD about it? Someone needs to immediately revoke his ManClub card, please.
The US credit downgrade is having worldwide repercussions. Even Nancy Pelosi has cut back to one eye-job per week. (I’m kidding! Nancy would raise taxes on her own mother before she cut back! Ha ha!)
Treasury Secretary Tim Geithner says that Standard & Poors “showed terrible judgement” in downgrading the US. Geithner claims that according to his detailed analysis via Turbo Tax, everything should be just fine.
President Obama said today that the US is “still a AAA country.” Yes, and if the idiots in Washington would get out of our way, maybe We The People could get us back to the Major Leagues.
Plaxico Burress participated in his first day of camp with the New York Jets today. Coaches said the starting Wide Receiver job was his. You know, unless he shoots himself in the leg. Figuratively speaking, of course. OR Head Coach Rex Ryan said he was “Impressed with how quick his feet were today. Mmmmm ... feet ...”
Tourists can now get fresh baguettes from vending machine in France. To be treated like crap, however, you’ll still need a real, live French person.
Diana Nyad was swimming strongly in her attempt to swim from Cuba to Florida across the straights today. Apparently the only trouble she’s encountered has been the various rafts passing her on the right, screaming “Get out of the fast lane, slowpoke!” OR To make the swim realistic, CBP agents plan to begin shooting at her when she gets within 200 yards of the beach.
Chinas’ hopes for a world title took a hit when their top ranked player was upset in the first round of the World Badminton Championship. Sport journalists around the world were shocked to learn that badminton has a world championship.
THREE BAD WRESTLER NAMES
- George “The Mediator” Steele
- The Soft Spoken Salamander
- Ricky The Lugnut