“I’m back.” -- Michael Jordan, 1995
As always, see more of me including TV appearances, acting reel, comedy promo videos, schedule and more on my website at www.starspangledcomedy.com.
...joking on the sunny side of the street...
That black cobra form the Bronx Zoo will probably go to jail when they catch it. A white cobra would get probation or a halfway house.
A group has found a shipwreck in the waters of Lake Michigan that may date back to the 1830’s. Anderson Cooper immediately asked Larry King if he remembered the incident. OR Late night comedians immediately blamed the wreck on Sarah Palin.
Scientists have found 2,000 year old coral near a BP oil well in the gulf. A BP spokesman apologized, and assured stockholders that in the future they’d kill every single thing around their wells.
Spanish scientists are searching for the “fuel of the future.” So far their ideas consist mostly of bulls chasing men in red sashes around on oversized hamster wheels.
A senior Libyan official has resigned. His resignation says he’s pursuing other opportunities, and really hopes he gets the Tigerblood intern position.
Japan has asked the U.S. and France for assistance in their nuclear crisis. Neither was helpful, as France advised them to immediately surrender and the U.S. said “Well, just drop it on...nevermind.”
The $319 million MegaMillions jackpot went to seven I.T. workers at the New York state Division of Housing and Community Renewal. In other words, there are seven job openings in the I.T. department at the New York State Division of Housing and Community Renewal.
A former NBA referee was charged with attacking Atlanta Hawks Hall of Famer Dominique Wilkins. When accused, the referee lifted both of his hands over his head and had a look of complete shock on his face while mouthing the words “I never touched him!” The crowd booed.
Men with small penises everywhere were disappointed on Opening Day to learn that the book “A Game Of Inches” is actually about baseball.
A Tiawanese company pled guilty this week in a case of dumping waste into a harbor in American Samoa. They had originally planned to fight the charges, but their attorney burst out laughing every time anyone said “dumping,” so they pled it out.
German doctors advised by government to give patients more placebos. In a related story, the Weinstein family has decided to switch to French doctors.
Billy Joel has cancelled the memoir he was planning to write. Apparently his ghost writer Davey is still in the Navy and probably will be for life.
McDonalds sales were up across Europe in February. Remember that next time some coffee house pseudo-intellectual tells you how much smarter Europeans are.
KIA has recalled over 70,000 of it’s Optima’s. A spokesman for the company said “We sold 70,000 of those pieces of crap? Really?”