Thursday, December 2, 2010

Hookers, Cam Newton, And Glogg

You know, when I’m at home I find it far more difficult to write; I’d much rather be doing Dad-like stuff, especially around Christmas.  I like Christmas, and I won’t apologize for it.  I’m listening to Christmas music as I write this, on Sirius/XM’s “Holiday Traditions” channel, only the greatest channel ever invented that doesn’t involve nudity, and if you disagree I’ll fistfight you at high noon in the town square.  Well, let me ask which you would rather do: whip up a batch of traditional spiced cider and some peppermint cupcakes while Dean Martin croons “Marshmallow World,” or read about how the world still hates each other and try to find new ways to work “Paris Hilton” “Flapjacks” and “Bukakke” into the same sentence?  Me too.

Anyway, that’s why there are fewer jokes today.  Off to make Victorian Glogg for the first time.
See more of me at
... i’m joking of a joke Christmas ...
The NCAA ruled Auburn QB Cam Newton eligible to play because technically his Dad broke recruiting rules, not him. In a related story that makes just as much sense, the FBI has retroactively pardoned Al Capone because technically it was his accountant that broke the tax laws, not him.
A new study suggests there are 300 sextillion stars. That is a 3 followed by twenty-three zeros. Or 3 trillion times 100 billion.  Or roughly one-fifth the amount of Congressional earmarks.
WikiLeaks papers reveal that U.S. Diplomats call Hugo Chavez the leader of an "Axis of Mischief.”  The documents also say Chavez is teaming with Alfalfa and Curly for “Operation Nyuk Nyuk Nyuk!”
Disney's master-planned, picture-perfect central Florida community of Celebration reported the first homicide in it’s fourteen year history this week.  The suspect snapped after waiting in line at the bus stop for two hours, only to find out he wasn’t tall enough to ride.
Several of Tiger Woods’ former mistresses have banded together in what they call a “brand new business venture.”  Yeah ... I’m pretty sure what those skanks do is still considered “the oldest profession.”
Newly elected Tea Party representatives are upset that in the just-ending fiscal year 2010, Tea Party Caucus members already in office requested over $1 billion in earmarks.  Those already in office responded with a group statement that read: “You were serious about that?”
Today, Madonna was given the legal OK to open a new gym in Mexico City.  Yesterday, Mexico City passed a law making surrogate mothers legal.  Coincidence?
An Italian man claims to have experienced asthma and other breathing troubles whenever he accessed an ex-girlfriend's Facebook page.  He also experienced right wrist pain and a huge budget increase on vaseline.

1 comment:

  1. You are funny and I'm glad you like doing dad-like stuff at home.