It’s Charlie Sheen Day!!!  Enjoy this blog, loyal readers; it’s been in the pipeline for a few days.  Send me your most fascinating comments.  Or at least the ones with the most vulgarities, as usual.

As always, see more of me including TV appearances, acting reel, comedy promo videos, schedule and more on my website at www.starspangledcomedy.com.

... the jokes from Ipanema ...

They say it may snow in LA this weekend.  Or Charlie Sheen may stay on his boat.  Too soon to tell.  OR Look on the bright side, at least in the 2012 election we’ll be able to say “Man, these guys are a couple of a-holes, but at least they’re not Charlie Sheen.” OR Maybe he was just a month or so early in headline grabbing for sweeps week.

Rahm Emanuel was elected mayor of Chicago.  In traditional Chicago fashion, Emanuel received 2.3 million of a possible 350,000 votes.

Famed fashion house Christian Dior suspended creative director John Galliano after he was accused of an anti-Semitic insult. Sources say Galliano is riding out the incident at close friend Mel Gibson’s place.

Anti-whaling activists' high-seas confrontations with Japanese ships forced Tokyo to cut short its annual Antarctic hunt for the first time.  Activists say they had better success this year because they changed their boats to look like Godzilla.

Nick Jonas sang at a Motown party at The White House.  I’m not sure hiring Nick Jonas for a Motown party is going to reassure those still wondering if Barack Obama is “black enough.”  OR So now THAT’S been taken care of, let’s clean up those smaller issues like Wisconsin, Lybia, Mexico...and whatever other small items are still on the list.

An ice cream parlor based in London will make breast milk ice cream and says people should think of it as an organic, free-range treat.  Conversely, their store in Los Angeles says you should think of it as “Inorganic, but big enough for casting purposes.”

Russia will send French warships they purchased to a chain of islands that are being claimed by Japan.  Wouldn’t it be easier to save that cash and just surrender on their own?

The bones of the earliest North American human remains have been found in the Arctic, and are said to be 11,500 years old.  Larry King said it’s an important find, and he’ll dedicate his upcoming comedy tour to the memory of his younger brother.

Researchers say that ancient megadroughts which lasted thousands of years in what is now the American Southwest could offer a preview of a climate changed by modern greenhouse gas emissions.  Al Gore immediately said those ancient megadroughts were caused by SUV drivers.

X-rays showed that a New York pit bull swallowed a foot-long pipe.  Following the X-rays, the dog was offered a three picture deal at Vivid Video.

Malaysian police arrested three men believed to be responsible for stealing 725,000 condoms.  Why Wilt Chamberlains kids were in Malaysia is anyone's guess.

Home Depot recently announced they will be hiring 60,000 seasonal employees to help out this spring.  Luckily for Home Depot, roughly 60,000 “applicants” regularly hang around in their parking lots.

“First, picture everyone in their underwear.  Slow your breathing.  Then yell your manifesto and aim just above the belly button.” -- Excerpt from “Public Speaking/Rampage Shooting: Overcoming Your Fear Of Crowds”