Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Jerusalem Ties

Today we’re featuring jokes. With a side of snark.
As always, see more of me including TV appearances, acting reel, comedy promo videos, schedule and more on my website at www.starspangledcomedy.com.
...What would we joke, baby, without us?
A Los Angeles couple was arrested on charges of arranging more than twenty fake marriages. Amazingly, only twelve of those marriages involved Larry King.
A new study says young children may make parents less physically fit. On the other hand, they tremendously increase their parents knowledge of Disney song lyrics.
A Philadelphia weight-loss doctor is facing indecent assault charges after he told a female patient that having sex with him would help her lose unwanted pounds.  What a stupid doctor; had he done it in a bar it would have been totally legal and probably would have worked. Location, location, location.
A Milwaukee couple discovered explosives in the wall of their home during a do-it-yourself repair project. Could have been worse, they could have discovered more photos of Brett Favre’s penis.
A Community College construction chief received a salary of $211,000 plus benefits. Students are outraged, with one saying “Do you know how many smoking lounge ashtrays we could have bought with that?”
Investigators are exploring the collision between an Air France jet and a smaller plane on JFK’s runway. It’s the first time anyone can remember a French jet not surrendering its territory.
A man in Jerusalem claims to have found two of the nails used to crucify Jesus Christ. Critics say it would be more believable if it was on an episode of “Hoarders.”
An Applebees restaurant accidentally served alcohol to a toddler. No one knew until later that night, when the parents found the child in his room listening to George Thorogood at full volume and giving the “devil horns” fingers.
The only penis museum in the world is located in Iceland. Iceland was chosen because its frigid temperatures helped the museum save over half of its original proposed space.

1 comment:

  1. The Air France one was brilliant! You should be getting paid for these...