Friday, July 1, 2011

Scorpions, Sheen And 70's Shows

Sometimes I sprinkle things into the blog that I’ve already said.  For you, finding them is kind of like an Easter Egg Hunt, except without eggs and there are no prizes or creepy six foot tall multi-colored rabbits making kids scream and cry.  On a completely related note, did you know I’m on LinkedIn? Yeah, if you click HERE you’ll see I’m not lying (and you can send me a LinkedIn network request).  Why would I lie about this?  What kind of sicko would lie about something like this?  Who do you normally hang around?  You’re freaks.  Sick, twisted freaks.  Which explains a lot, actually.  Now go find those eggs before they go bad and I’m forced to hard boil them and donate them to the local pantry.
As always, see more of me including TV appearances, acting reel, comedy promo videos, schedule and more on my website at
...Ring A Joke Joke, Ring A Joke Joke, Ring A Joke Joke...
A man passed through TSA security and took a flight from New York to Los Angeles yesterday with an expired boarding pass that wasn’t even in his name.  A TSA spokesman said that despite the massive security breach there was never any real danger to the plane though, as they did manage to take away his nosehair tweezers and a four ounce tube of toothpaste.
US scientists have used stem cell technology to create mice from two fathers, an advance that could help same-sex couples have their own genetic children one day.  Of course, this assumes that gay couples will want children that look like mice.
Supporters of Texas Governor Rick Perry say they want some space at the upcoming Iowa straw poll.  They also say for their straws, they want some of those awesome curly Mickey Mouse ones that go around your hat.
A man from Nantucket was freed recently on charges of kidnapping in Haiti.  However, he still faces possible arrest and extradition for grossly exaggerating the length of certain male body parts.
A passenger was stung by a scorpion on a recent Alaska Airlines flight.  The man said it was actually not as painful as the TSA search at check-in security.  OR Airline representatives apologized, but said it wouldn’t have happened if he’d just paid the $25 “No Scorpions” fee.
China opened the worlds longest overwater bridge. Something something something ... it’s Chinese so they’ll want to cross it again in an hour ... something something something Charlie Sheen. (Note to self: finish joke before adding to blog)
Former “Three’s Company” star Joyce DeWitt made her New York stage debut this week.  Critics have been giving solid reviews to the show, “Don’t Let Mr Furley See This Kitten.”

An American scuba diver was left behind on The Great Barrier Reef by an Australian tour company.  A tour spokesman said that apparently the boat captain had had just about enough of the divers’ stupid “Bloomin’ Onion” comments.
Treasury Secretary Timothy Geithner is considering stepping down later this year.  Between the sputtering economy and that damn Turbo Tax, it’s getting to be too big a job for one man.


-Smoky, with a hint of horse fart.

-Made me wistful for the week I had malaria.


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