Saturday, August 6, 2011

Did The Duke Play Cricket?

Montel Williams watch, Day Two.  Still no word from The Big Montel. (Unless he’s sending coded messages in all of those “Enlarge Your Manhood” emails I keep receiving, but I have to believe those are more likely to come from the Anthony Weiner Wikipedia page)  I can’t believe he’s pretending to ignore this.  Stop hiding, Montel, it’s only a matter of time before TMZ finds you.  
Now I need to figure out why the John Wayne Fan Page on Facebook keeps tagging me in high-heeled shoe ads.
As always, see more of me including TV appearances, acting reel, comedy promo videos, schedule and more on my website at
... joke scratch fever ...
The owner of computer company Acer said recently that tablet computers are nothing more than a fad.  He then hung up his rotary telephone, because he needed to warm up the picture tubes on his Philco to watch Lucy. (Happy Birthday, Lucy)
Rookie wide receiver AJ Green is reportedly making a huge impression in the Cincinnati Bengals training camp.  Coaches say he’s fitting right in with the veterans, as he’s already been arrested four times.
A new study says that overweight men with diabetes can improve their sex lives by losing weight.  I’m no scientist, but I’m pretty sure losing weight will improve the sex life of ANY man, diabetes or not.  OR  A similar study says that overweight women can improve their sex life by putting out more, and not asking to be called the next day.  Or ever.
Researchers say that public bicycle sharing schemes in large cities save lives and cut greenhouse gas emissions.  They also greatly increase the number of teenagers who have free bikes.
The US had its AAA credit rating lowered.  Now if the government wants to borrow money, it’ll have to lie about its income like the rest of us.
After the downgrade, President Obama made a statement saying that Washington DC “must do better.”  Well, good.  A statement.  That ought to take care of it.  Now if we could only get an exploratory committee formed to investigate the matter, then everything would be just peachy.
In Cricket news, Sri Lanka captain Tillakaratne Dilshan hit five sixes and twelve boundaries in his first Twenty20 century, leading the hosts to 198-3 against Australia.  If anyone has even the slightest clue what that means, please contact me, preferably via the George Peppard Wikipedia page.
Ralph Nader says there is “almost a 100% chance” of a Democratic Primary challenger to president Obama in 2012.  Of course, it’s possible that challenger may be Ralph Nader, in which case there’s “an exactly 100% chance” of President Obama winning the nomination.
China has told the US that the “good old days” of borrowing money are over.  They did so in an official government statement titled “No Tickee, No Loanee.”
Pharmaceutical giant Pfizer wants to sell its top-selling heart drug Lipitor without a prescription.  In preparation, Pfizer has parked nearly $2 billion of windowless panel vans outside bowling alleys around the country.
John Kerry announced that he is planning to run for a sixth term in the U.S. Senate.  Washington insiders were shocked by the news, as most thought Kerry had died years ago.
Warren Jeffs believes he did nothing wrong and that his religious freedoms are being infringed upon.  Perhaps he’ll feel differently after a few weeks of role reversal in prison, when HE’S the twelve year old girl getting nailed.  Happy trails, pervo.

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