Just jokes today. Up at 4AM for my flights down to Mazatlan, I’m too tired for anything else. Boogers.
See more of me including promo video at www.starspangledcomedy.com, or by watching me nap in the buff (which is right next to the bed).
...here we are, face to face, a couple of jokey jokes...
Good news: Wendy's is remaking its fries with Russett potatoes, leaving the skin on and sprinkling sea salt on top. Bad news: They’re extending the idea to their burgers, also leaving the skin on and sprinkling them with Mrs Dash.
OR
Wendy's is remaking its fries with Russett potatoes, leaving the skin on and sprinkling sea salt on top. No truth to the rumor they’re being called “Dahmer fries.”
BREAKING: FW: FW: Hilarious! FW: Connecticut court to decide if people can be fired for posts on Facebook FW: U HAVE 2 rd ths! FW
A new tool for early detection of dementia has been introduced. The tool includes a computerized test for learning and memory skills, and fifteen foot butterfly net.
A new study claims that the rate of ADHD has soared in the US over the past decade. I still can’t believe the Browns beat the Patriots. Hey, nice tits.
Scientists have observed the highest rate of beak abnormalities ever recorded in the Pacific Northwest. Luckily guys in that region drink heavily, so those big-nosed chicks are still getting plenty of action.
New cracks have been found in the fuel tank of the Space Shuttle Discovery. The newest cracks were found right next to the “Made By Toyota” label.
Randy Moss says he hopes to fit in with the Tennessee Titans offense. If he doesn’t, Moss plans to open his own catering company in Minneapolis.
A scientific study has revealed that in relation to its body size, the Bushcricket has the largest testicles on earth. The “bush” cricket. I guess naming it the “Huge Freaking Nuts” cricket would have been too obvious. OR The study also revealed that after giving another cricket a good solid drilling, the Bushcricket likes to say “Mission Accomplished.”
Good news: Poland has completed construction on the tallest statue of Jesus in the world. Bad news: There are already four light bulbs out on top.
A man in New York who was trying to buy drugs accidentally called the “Crime Stoppers” number of the local police. Earlier he had tried to order pizza from the library, and requested a body massage from the local Presbyterian Church.
The talk show host whose hysterical rantings, borderline insanity, and frequent detachment from reality endears him to his fans returned to the air this week. But enough about Keith Olbermann...Conan is back!
A new study says that obese teens are more likely to become obese adults. In other shocking news, white kids are more likely to grow up to be white adults.
Nancy Pelosi says she wants to continue as leader of House Democrats, and sees “no reason” to change her policies. Pelosi also said she’s hired former Cowboys coach Wade Phillips as her Chief Of Staff.
A new poll shows 34% of likely voters would support a Sarah Palin bid for the White House in 2012. However, the poll also shows that 78% of male voters might change their mind if she did a spread in Maxim first.
Massive Gamma Ray bubbles have been discovered at the center of The Milky Way. Scientists say that because of this, we shouldn’t make The Milky Way angry. We wouldn’t like it when it’s angry.
The president of Kiribati has said the low-lying Pacific nation must begin planning to relocate its population in case global warming causes sea levels to rise and swamp the country. Scientists and Global Warming activists across the world all have the same question: Who the hell is Kiribati?
The National Labor Relations Board argued in court that Dawnmarie Souza was improperly fired for her Facebook rant against her boss, which was well within her First Amendment rights. The Facebook group “Call Your Boss A Prick” now has 42 million members. OR In a related story, please join my new Facebook group “Steve Mazan is a great big fuckerhead who smells like wilted dog turds and is attracted to small farm animals.”
A scarcity of Peyote has legal dealers of the drug facing hard times. Charlie Sheen is currently lobbying for a federal bailout of the industry, claiming they are too big to fail.
Federal authorities have proposed putting graphic images on cigarette packs. Told of this, President Obama replied “I’ll stop when I’m good and ready to stop. Go fuck yourself.” OR I’m not sure how a close-up of a drunken gangbang is supposed to keep people from smoking, but have at it I guess.
Boeing has stopped test flights of its new 787 passenger jet while it determines what caused smoke in the cabin of one of its planes and forced it to make an emergency landing. The most likely culprit seems to the passenger in seat 17B, a Mr Willie Nelson.
*THREE BAD...SERIAL KILLER NICKNAMES*
Fat Guy With Gun
The Stabby Sissy
Kevin
No comments:
Post a Comment